The Anti-Resolution Year

Calvin Edited

Ten days into the New Year and it’s smooth sailing.  Why?  I refused to make resolutions this year.  It’s easy to live up to nothing.  I’m freaking amazing when doing what I always do.  Of course, there are things that could and should be improved.  Like maybe I should learn to walk in heels, exercise more, drink less, go on a starvation diet so I can fit into skinny jeans (Why? No one looks good in those!), not cuss so much, but really, who are we kidding?  I’m just trying to keep my head above water.

Since there are things that need to be improved, instead of resolutions, I made two lists.  One list is things I like and one is things I don’t like.  My decision was to do more of the first list and less of the second.  No, I’m not having an Office Space moment:

Office Space

Disclaimer:  Yes, “Office Space” jokes are outdated, but I like the movie and the main character is cute so I do it anyway.  😛

Seriously though, isn’t that what everyone wants?  To do more of what they like, and less of what they don’t?  I’ll give you the short versions so you can see what I discovered when writing them:

Things I like:

  1. One-on-one time with the girls
  2. Time with my sister and family
  3. Friends
  4. Karate
  5. Traveling
  6. Spin class
  7. Hot yoga
  8. The beach
  9. Writing
  10. Reading
  11. Good food and good wine

Things I don’t like:

  1. Being overwhelmed
  2. Ruining the following day with a hangover
  3. Feeling rushed
  4. Wasting too much time in front of the TV
  5. Money stress
  6. People encroaching on my time and space without asking

Seems straight forward right?  Here’s what I saw though;  I like my family, exercise (certain kinds), and relaxing (certain forms).  What I don’t like can all be solved by planning and saying no.  I quickly realized that, I have control over everything I don’t like.  I also don’t like bell peppers, but I can control my intake of those (and while I haven’t tried your recipe and while you may be a great cook, NO I won’t like them that way either).

resolutions

~Cyanide and Happiness comic (so fucking funny you’ll pee you)

What does this have to do with co-parenting?  Maybe nothing, maybe everything.  But it does go along with my philosophy of being kinder to yourself and others.  Are you really going to start getting up at 4:00AM to go running only to realize halfway around the block, “oh wait, I hate this shit!”?  Maybe for a few weeks, but then you’ll feel like a failure when you stop, because you gave yourself a goal that you didn’t really want to do anyway.  Do things for yourself, not to yourself.  May this year be awesome, and if it isn’t awesome, may it not suck!  I’ll toast to that!

Nothing Has Gone Wrong Yet This Year!

I hope each of you had a fun New Year’s Eve and no one ended up vomiting excessively or slipping in someone else’s urine (I say this because I almost ate it coming down a urine soaked staircase leaving a club….classy).  Today is by far my favorite day of the entire year.  It’s so full of promise.  This year is perfect so far!  Nothing has gone wrong yet!

Whatever happened last year is done and gone.  We move forward to a year that has the potential to be a wonderful year or at the very least, be better than the last.

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions anymore.  The average person keeps a New Year’s Resolution for 120 days.  Me, I eat one salad, hop on the scale, see no change, and decide to order a pizza (and cheesecake).  My resolutions last about 47 seconds.  It’s a waste of notebook paper to record them and dangerous for the annoying people who keep asking me what my New Year’s Resolution is this year.

I do however take stock of the previous year and decide what serves me and what doesn’t.   As I do this recap, I think of my successes and know not to be stupid enough to be smug.  Why?  Because right after that, I review my failures.  No sugar-coating, no embellishments, just what I screwed up.  I actually out loud, exclaim “Ug!” at my stupidity over some of the idiotic things I’ve done and hope to hell I don’t repeat these mistakes.

Learning to let go is a skill most parents need.  Only you can change certain things, only you choose how you react to things, and only you can start being the change you want to see.  I know that’s a lot of “yous” and you are already exhausted.  Take a deep breath….you got this.  Take a nap, have a glass of wine, and review last year’s photos.  I guarantee there was more good than bad, and this year is going to be even better.

You Have One Life and You Have a Right To Live It

Life is Short Edited

Everyone knows you love your children.  Everyone knows you wish your marriage had worked out.  Not because you necessarily could see yourself being with that person anymore.  Probably because you wish you didn’t have to share your children, because no one gets married hoping to get divorced, and/or you may feel you failed at something.  Everyone knows you work hard to make everything function.  And if they don’t?  Fuck ’em.  Yes, yes, I’m already cussing (“live so the other Christians wonder if you’ve been saved” – Dr. Brown).

Here’s what you need to know….you also get to have a life outside of what was, what might have been, and what others expect.  No one expects you to mourn forever.  You have one life.  Stop proving how hard you work and how much you love your kids, we know.  Anyone who sees your Facebook page with a picture of EVERYTHING YOUR CHILDREN DO, knows you love your kids.  <—–Sorry, I had to make a Facebook joke here, I don’t care that someone I don’t remember from 6th grade is having a bowl of cereal.  And oh look!  They took a picture, because apparently we need evidence of his sugar bomb fruit circles.

Only we can live our lives and we only have one shot at it.

My ex texted me after our split and I quote, “thank you for giving me my life back”.  He said this while riding a motorcycle with his friends and learning to love the things that we jointly forgot how to do while wading through diapers, late utility bills, and sleepless nights.

While you are building your children’s self-esteem and teaching them to follow their dreams, are you following yours?  Why as parents do we remember to lead by example until it comes time to teach them that you are a person too, that you have goals and dreams, and most importantly, feelings?

What does this mean for you?  It means you have one life and only you get to live it.  Your children will grow up and go off to live their lives.  We know you love your children and they will ALWAYS be a part of you, no matter where they go.  But if you do it right (no one really wants their 35-year-old son living in their basement, playing World of Warcraft), they will eventually leave the nest.  You get to have a life.  Go live it no matter what anyone thinks.