I receive so many emails from readers asking how to get back at their ex. So many people tell me that while my approach helps, it’s just not enough. Sometimes you just feel like you need revenge. I completely agree. So many quit therapy because their therapist constantly says to, “not let it in.” Well, why didn’t I think of that? I didn’t realize it was so easy! With that in mind, I no longer need you.
I get it, you don’t want to respect their new spouse. You don’t want to hear from the kids about how great your ex is doing, and how fabulous the new husband or wife is. How all they do is take them places and buy them things. Meanwhile, you are left doling out punishments, running to Michael’s praying it doesn’t close because your idiot kid didn’t tell you they had a project due in 30 seconds, and that you can’t afford to buy them all those things because you don’t make as much as their household. It sucks.
All you do actually want to do is drunk dial them, and tell them where they can stick their social media photos of their last “family vacation,” which depict a family that you are no longer a part of. You want to slash tires and put Nair into that bitch’s shampoo bottle. You simultaneously hope he gets fired so he will be less smug, but also realize you cannot survive without the child support. Basically, every time you see her, you hope she trips and does real damage to her stupid face.
I really do get it. All that said, I love you guys and really don’t want you to get arrested, or worse, lose your kids for doing something you cannot take back. If you are reading this, then your kids are important to you, and you are trying. Don’t let the assholes get the best of you. More importantly, don’t give them the satisfaction.
The best way to get back at them, is excel and exude confidence.
I do not mean to go post endless pictures on Facebook of how “blessed” you are. In case you don’t know, no one believes that shit. Simply live your life. While things are different, and you may miss some things, I would bet money that there are many things you DON’T miss and are glad to be rid of. You are a viable person, and as the mother or father, you are irreplaceable.
You want to mindfuck your ex and their new significant other? Walk into a room like you don’t care that they are there. Wave to acknowledge him/her/them, or even go say, “hello,” if you think you can do it without “accidentally” stomping her foot with your stilettos. [Sidenote: Unless you can wear those without falling on your ass (I can’t), do not wear them while trying to look confident. Many women look like a baby giraffe learning to walk. This is a bad plan.] Talk to people you know. Interact with your kids. If you don’t know anyone, invite a friend along. That way, you don’t end up feeling like an ass while you’re pretending to look at something on your phone because you have nothing else to occupy you.
Basically, fake it until you make it.
Eventually, and I know it doesn’t feel like it now, you really won’t care. Revenge won’t be a high priority anymore. You will go say, “hi,” because why not? They are just some other people you know at this event. You will chat with friends without constantly checking to see if he/she/they are looking at you. You won’t care because this is another chapter of your life, and it’s OK that it doesn’t include them. You will be confident, and it won’t be an act anymore. You will laugh when they are petty or overly concerned with what you are doing. You will be amused when they do something stupid, and the kids report back a less than perfect outlook (which you will never let your kids know you think is amusing). Am I saying to revel in someone else’s pain? Of course not!
OK, maybe a little….