Are these boots made for walking?
How the hell should I know?
Before I started this blog, I often sat in on new client family law consultations and now, conducting countless therapy sessions. Many would ask how you know when it’s time to end the relationship, because they were unsure how or if they should proceed with a divorce. Should you leave?
Back in the day, I would often think, “how the hell should I know?” Having been newly divorced myself, I just “knew.” When I thought, “can I do this the rest of my life?”, the answer was a resounding “no.” I have kept this line of thinking in everything I do. When at work, I ask myself this and give notice if necessary. I decided overnight I would go get my Master’s degree because “no,” I couldn’t do this job for the rest of my life. I have discontinued friendships that were draining because I couldn’t imagine being their friend, and allowing them to drain me for the rest of my life.
CAN YOU DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
If you are struggling with deciding if you should stay or go, ask yourself that question.
- Don’t stay together for the kids. No one likes a martyr, and they are going to grow up and move out (assuming you did it right and they aren’t living in your basement playing video games indefinitely).
- Don’t stay together because you are afraid of talking about it. Telling your spouse or explaining yourself to the families involved sucks, but just rip off the bandage quick and get it over with. It’s hard but many things in life are.
- Don’t stay together for financial reasons. You will figure out the money later. Right now, your goal is to be at least content if not happy. If money is that important to you, then there are many things you should be looking at right now above and beyond your relationship.
- Don’t stay together because you “like your life”. The friends, the barbecues, the parties, etc. Oh my, what will they think and I’d miss out on all that. Which side will they pick and which friends will I lose? At the end of the day, they go home and your stuck with a partner you aren’t fond of.
So, should you leave?
Marriages are hard and anyone who tells you they aren’t, is fucking lying. That said, breaking up is hard too. However, if you cannot do this for the rest of your life then bail now and live the life you actually want. You only have a limited amount of time and energy, don’t spend it on someone you are not happy with. So do I know if you should stay or go? No, but you do.