Everyone knows you love your children. Everyone knows you wish your marriage had worked out. Not because you necessarily could see yourself being with that person anymore. Probably because you wish you didn’t have to share your children, because no one gets married hoping to get divorced, and/or you may feel you failed at something. Everyone knows you work hard to make everything function. And if they don’t? Fuck ’em. Yes, yes, I’m already cussing (“live so the other Christians wonder if you’ve been saved” – Dr. Brown).
Here’s what you need to know….you also get to have a life outside of what was, what might have been, and what others expect. No one expects you to mourn forever. You have one life. Stop proving how hard you work and how much you love your kids, we know. Anyone who sees your Facebook page with a picture of EVERYTHING YOUR CHILDREN DO, knows you love your kids. <—–Sorry, I had to make a Facebook joke here, I don’t care that someone I don’t remember from 6th grade is having a bowl of cereal. And oh look! They took a picture, because apparently we need evidence of his sugar bomb fruit circles.
Only we can live our lives and we only have one shot at it.
My ex texted me after our split and I quote, “thank you for giving me my life back”. He said this while riding a motorcycle with his friends and learning to love the things that we jointly forgot how to do while wading through diapers, late utility bills, and sleepless nights.
While you are building your children’s self-esteem and teaching them to follow their dreams, are you following yours? Why as parents do we remember to lead by example until it comes time to teach them that you are a person too, that you have goals and dreams, and most importantly, feelings?
What does this mean for you? It means you have one life and only you get to live it. Your children will grow up and go off to live their lives. We know you love your children and they will ALWAYS be a part of you, no matter where they go. But if you do it right (no one really wants their 35-year-old son living in their basement, playing World of Warcraft), they will eventually leave the nest. You get to have a life. Go live it no matter what anyone thinks.