No One is Coming – Learning Self-Reliance

Bitch Mittens Edited

We’ve all had these weeks….  Here’s one of my recent fun ones:  Monday I chaperoned a field trip, which was fun but have I mentioned that I kind of only like my kids?  Tuesday I sat for 3 hours at Lice Solutions because both girls had lice AGAIN because the Palm Beach County School District has the stupidest policy ever and as a result, we spend an exorbitant amount of money on repellant, which doesn’t work and then the subsequent treatment.  Wednesday, I spent the entire day completing mid-terms for grad school (prior to graduation), and then scrambled to catch up at work because I fell behind by taking off Monday.  All this reminds me of a line that has been running through my head lately only I cannot remember where I read or heard it…. “No One Is Coming”.

Now, before you misunderstand, this does not mean I do not have a support system or people who love and help my family and I.  I have a wonderful sister and friends who would help me if I had a dead hooker in the trunk at 2AM.  All that said, in the end, I have to figure it out myself.  All those people who love the girls and I, are not going to do it for us, and they shouldn’t.

Let me provide an example.  So, I’m treading water in single mother territory.  I am failing, and simultaneously realizing that aside from killing bugs, my ex handled some things I simply didn’t know how to do.  Anyone else incapable of setting up a pack-and-play?  So my friend drops by.  I’m sitting on the kitchen floor with assorted tools surrounding me and I’m attempting to put together the new highchair.  I have a beer sitting next to me and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth (this is noteworthy since I am not a smoker).  He asked if I needed help and apparently my venomous response scared him, because he backed away slowly.  After much deliberation he finally told me the legs were on backwards and that’s why it wasn’t going together.  I took his advice, but refused to let him help.  Why?  Because I was on my own now and was going to have to figure out how to put this shit together.  Today, and every “batteries not included” fucking Christmas morning going forward.  Afterall, I couldn’t wait for my friends to visit, for my kid to be able to eat in a highchair.  No one was coming, and I’m an idiot.

Why did it take me so long to finally figure out that I’ve got this shit?  Because I’m weird and I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Who cares what’s going on at your ex’s house?  At the end of the day, it is it is our home and most importantly, it’s where I am raising two children.  Our house counts too even if there is two of them.

What does all this mean for you?  It means to stop waiting.  No one is coming.  You have to be self-reliant.  You have to learn to take care of things.  Your children need to see you taking action and fixing things that need fixin’.  Your kids have to be tough, so do you.  Do NOT be one of those adults they see that complain incessantly, yet do nothing to improve their situation.  Also, I will punch you for that shit.  It’s annoying.  Fix it, or shut the hell up.

“Honey-do list” not getting done?  Do it yourself.  Waiting for permission you don’t need?  Get past your issues and start doing something….ANYTHING.  You are waiting for your life to start and guess what?  It’s already started.  Stop reading my ramblings and go make a change.  No one is coming…it’s all you.

2 thoughts on No One is Coming – Learning Self-Reliance

  1. Absolutely love reading your blog. I’m not co-parenting with an ex, but with my husband, some days that feels just as hard. (I have to pretend to listen to you AND put out?) I’ll note that paying someone to do the honey do list is worth the money. It saves time, and sometimes I’d rather spend the money than listen to the weeks of the “victory lap” and subsequent loafing afterwards.

    • Hahaha! I completely agree! I have just as many readers who are still married and use these tools on their current spouse. It is often harder working with a spouse, because you cannot send them back to their house (and to take their laundry with them). I’m not a fan of having to hand out awards for doing chores LIKE YOU LIVE HERE. That goes for my kids as well. I’m so glad you are enjoying the posts!

Leave a Reply